Wild Renewal: Thriving After Divorce

I hid on planes and on journeys.

I walked all 800km of the Camino de Santiago de Compostela and cried.

After ten years SAHM I applied for and found four jobs and felt grateful.

I took my kids to Rekjavik Iceland and enjoyed buying clothes two sizes smaller.

I returned to Rekjavik for New Year’s Eve on my own and watched the crazy fireworks while the kids were celebrating with their father.

I took my kids to Biarritz where we all learned to surf.

I took my kids to London where we spent Chrismtas with my sister and her family.

From dawn to dusk I skiid the empty covid pistes in Zermatt.

Action made me feel alive. Movement alleviated the pain. 

My parents and my sisters gave my kids a sense of security. 

I hid behind my plants.

I took my children to a new home. 

I bought my beautiful plants and gave them all the love for them to thrive.

I took on my first true full-time job.

I loved my children while still in the depth of my grief.

I hid behind learning.

I wanted out of the pain and took on coaching. 

I found out I was victimising myself. Not being the Mum I wanted to be. Protecting my kids but not nurturing their souls.

I became a certified life coach while working full-time.

I made myself so busy with the job, the certificate, the dog and the kids.

And all the while the plants grew. For the first time in my life my plants flourished. 

While the kids lived their lives and watched me.

There is guilt there, there is so much pain, there is joy and gratitude and so much love. Nobody tells you how horrific a divorce is maybe because nobody can. Like having children, divorce changes everything, things that you’d never have dreamed of. I lost friendships, I lost trust and took refuge with my beautiful plants. 

I nurtured my soul in a beautiful flat with an extortionate rent. I travelled every moment I could just to be above the clouds where I felt home.

There is so much to learn, like patience. Because it takes time. Year three I woke up one morning without that physical pain in my heart.

I learned that you can survive with pain, and all the while, nature. That pain is not a reason to stop living. Pain is there to measure the love. The question is how we choose to share that love.

I have learned that even when there is no one special person I can share that love with, I still have so much love in my life, and I want to be present for that. Our beautiful world taught me that, nature taught me that, my plants taught me that.

When we focus on what we have lost it becomes so hard to understand and value all that we have. My bond with my parents grew manifold. I am so lucky that they are still here. Perhaps that is why they are still here. My relationship with my kids is on the mend now that I am back on track for their soul needs and not the other way around. I am becoming the mother that I always wanted to be. And yes, my first child is about to move out. Isn’t life hilarious? And I can take it with a smile because I know we will meet regularly.

But first I needed to learn that I have to fill my own cup. Maybe if I had understood that twenty years ago, things would have turned out different.

But I am not in the business of regret, I am in the business of growing myself and through my experiences of connecting with people I can support on their journeys same same different as each of our journeys are. 

Wishing you a wonderful weekend

xKarin, your coach for all things empowerment.